Stuart Diamond’s “Getting More: How to Negotiate to Achieve Your Goals in the Real World” Speaking @Intel

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Here are some quick notes I took today using my iPhone 4:

Stuart Diamond professor at Wharton School of Business and Pulitzer Prize winning journalist spoke at Intel headquarters in Santa Clara, CA on January 12, 2011.  His new book is “Getting More:  How to Negotiate to Achieve Your Goals in the Real World.

Negotiation is everywhere, what you know about it is probably wrong.

Perceptions and emotions.

Reject conventional wisdom when it comes to negotiating.

People and relationships not winners and losers or win-win.

Protection from hard bargainers

Subtle difference between success and failure.

It’s the process of getting people to do what you will them to do — this us the old way, resentment and retaliation, unstable because power changes quickly, short lived

Flatter, be conscious of others.

Think what you want them to think.

Can we work this out, how can we work together, don’t threaten.

To perceive Or be sen as understanding others views.

To feel what you want them to feel

Rather than name calling or saying you’re angry, just ask:  Are you happy, because I’m not happy?

You feel successful, I’m not feeling successful.

It’s always my fault if something foes wrong, says negotiator.

Cultural insensitivity causes confusion and distrust.

Find emotional payments or pain points to ease into a request for change.

Not I hate… But what do you like and what would you change?

People, individually, is the way not general.

Perceptions that are different create conflict or different takes

Ignore or dismiss info that doesn’t fit – bad.

What one sees so clearly the other may not be there at all.

Difference of opinions create more useful products vs consensus

Trading items of unequal value to build trust in exchanges.

The value of incremental vs big or exact success

Always communicate.

What is the standard?  Put it in writing

What’s really going on, state it clearly to disarm

Don’t make yourself the issue.

Always ask:  When’s the talk?

Emotional appeal first, then questions then examples.

Disagree and commit has problem:  may say ok but not whole heartfelt committed.  So try incrementally or trade ” do this and I’ll do this” trade of unequal value

When are you committed to relationship than just doing it to survive

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